Witnessed A Melanau's Customary Wedding @ Kampung Tanam, Dalat

[NOTE] This post is not intended to explain or elaborate about the true customary wedding of Melanau's society in detail, but just wish to share what I saw, I heard and I read from my virgin experience attending this event. Hence if there are any mistakes or inaccuracies about the occasion in my write up, I bag for your forgiveness and I'll appreciate for any correction and comment.

Felt very honored to be invited to attend a Melanau friend/colleague customary wedding ceremony at Kampung Tanam, Dalat.

It was on 1st of June, the 1st day of Gawai Festival celebration in Sarawak. The weather was just nice. 3 of us in a car, Sparkish, Rojak Toh and me departed from Sibu as early as 5.30am. We had been informed the banquet would be started at 9.30am so we hoped to reach there on time.

After about 3 hours of driving, we finally reached Kampung Tanam, Dalat by following the map drawn by the bridegroom of the day, Collin. As the road inside the kampung is rather narrow, thus we had been advised to park our car near empty space opposite to S.K. Kampung Tanam. We then walked for 10 minutes to reach the bridegroom's house.

As the morning was still early, crowds were not seen yet when we reached the place. Preparation for the banquet (kenduri) was still on going. Around 10am, buffet style banquet began. Friends and relatives of the bridegroom started to fill up the place.

Nice and delicious dishes had been served, most of them were my favorite! We had Curry Chicken, beef in black sauce, young jackfruit in santan, deep fried big ikan tenggiri, salted fish fried with peanuts, acar limau (lime pickle) and watermelon as dessert. Packet drinks were free flow! The foods were truly yummy! I just couldn't help myself eating for few rounds!

The wedding ceremony started after the meal, around 11am when representative of the bridegroom family started to handover specific gifts to the elders which later were brought to the bride side.

The type of gifts very much depend on the social status of the family within their Melanau society. For your information, Melanau society is ranked in their unique way called "pikul" and they're very particular in this. It is a complicated system and if you wish to know more, you can refer to this link. The higher the pikul means the family has higher hierarchy in the society. The type of gifts to be sent over is depend on this pikul. Each gift will represent certain pikul, for example, the canon will be counted as 2 pikul and the total pikul to be brought to the bride side have to be equal to the pikul of the family.

So, if follow the tradition, Collin's family is 9 pikul so the gifts brought over to the bride side have to be equal to that value. Actually you can know how many pikul does a wedding family is by referring to the number of flags placed at the "bridge" at the entrance to the house.

After the elders checked each item and upon agreement, the representative from the bridegroom will then departed to the bride's house by bringing all the necessary gifts for negotiations. We followed the big "team" to the bride house by using the chartered bus and the negotiating process will be done only by the gentlemen.

We had been informed that the negotiation process will be done for 5 rounds, going in and out the bride's house. For the 1st negotiation, nothing much ritual was done but representative informed the bride side that the bridegroom representatives were already here and ready for the event.

Correction: The 1st round in negotiation stage is actually merisik, whereby bridegroom's representative making sure the going-to-be bride is not belongs to some other guy. Then, they'll seek permission from the elders to marry the bride on behalf of the groom and discussed the gifts required for the marriage.

On the 2nd round, portion of the gifts were brought into bride's house. If not mistaken, it was the spear's head with golden ring tied on it. The elders from the bridegroom side then negotiated with the bride's elders. The negotiation process was rather relaxing and there were some laughter involved. Too bad I couldn't get what they were negotiating about as they fully communicate in Melanau language, but it looks fun and interesting to me!

Correction: The 2nd round is actually bertunang, whereby groom's representative handled over symbolic gifts which were agreed upon such as the spear's head and a golden ring to the bride's elders as a symbol of engagement. Upon acceptance from the elders, the marriage is declared legal and official!

Upon successful negotiation, the gifts were handled to the bride's elders. The elders then carefully examined and checked if the items fulfill their requirement. When everything were agreed upon, that round's negotiation was consider completed and the bridegroom's representatives will step down from the house preparing for the next round.

After few minutes rest, the 3rd round started with more gifts been brought into the house including a sword, a copper container and a wooden container covered by a pinky cloth (with gold bracelets in it). There maybe more thing that I didn't discover, so do enlighten me if any of you know more clearly.

Negotiation went on and the gifts were handled to the bride's elders, one after another upon examination and agreement of each item by them. There were no disagreement been raised, thus the negotiation was successful and the bridegroom's representative stepped out from the house again.

The same process continued for the 4th and 5th round but different items were brought for each round. On the 4th round, the canon was brought and for the final round, it was the "pakan" - the gift (in the form of money) given to bride's parents and certain relatives.

When all these negotiations were agreed upon, mission is accomplished which means the bride side had agreed with this marriage. Bridegroom's negotiation team will then bring the good news back!

The wedding ceremony was then officially started! Bridegroom with his best man went to bride's house with the accompany of the ladies! Remember just now I said the negotiation session is done by gentlemen? So now it was ladies' turn!

The arrival of bridegroom was accompanied by the music played using traditional music instrument.

Once inside bride's house, the bride and the bridegroom "bersanding" - sitting side by side on the bridal couch called "pelamin" to be seen and blessed by the relatives and friends. I was not sure if there was any ceremony taking place during the bersanding as the bride's house was flooded by friends and relatives of both side. It was just too packed to be entered. When I finally managed to squeeze into the house, it was photography session already.

After bersanding, both bride and bridegroom were required to walk down and up the staircase (few steps) for 3 times, taking turn starting with the bride. So far I still have no idea what's the meaning behind this ritual. It'll be great if anyone can enlighten me on this! ^ ^

The bride then followed the bridegroom back to his house where another round of bersanding was taken place.

Groom's mother then fed the bride with daun sirih (betel leaf) and wore a gold bracelet on bride's wrist as a symbol of blessing (I believe). After bersanding, the bridegroom followed the bride to her place again bringing along plenty of gifts.

Our Melanau traditional wedding exposure and experience placed a full-stop at this point as time disallowed us to continue following the lengthy ceremony. It was about 4pm and about time to drive back Sibu before the sky turning dark.

Anyway, it was really a great experience and I truly enjoyed it!! I would like to express my gratitude and special thanks to:

1. Collin and his family for the invitation and their hospitality
2. Sparkish for sponsoring his car and drove us all they way to and fro Sibu-Dalat
3. One of the member in bridegroom's negotiation team (which I didn't have chance to know him by name) who tried his best to explain and acknowledge us about the customary processes especially during negotiation stage. Although most of the time I couldn't catch most of the Melanau terms told by him, but at least I get some tips from there. Otherwise I'll not be able to come out with this write up.
4. Another colleague with the name Colin (Yes... same name with bridegroom but only a single "l" in his name) we met at bridegroom's house who offered us a free ride to bride's house at the time we were deeply in need.
5. Rojak Toh for the snacks he brought along which let us had something to "bite" and chew on during the long journey. ;)

Last but not least, a sincere congratulation to Collin, my comrade & Rinea for their new wedding and may happiness accompany both of you forever and ever!

Some Stories of Wang and Joyce Wedding

I know I suppose to post this on-the-date, but over the weekend I was struck by fever and diarrhea. I totally lost my appetite, I didn't eat and I lost my energy. I felt tired and sleepy all the time. I took 2 Paracetamol in the morning hoped that I would feel better and could make it to Joyce and Wang's wedding ceremony.

I did feel a little better when the medicine generate chemical effects inside my stomach. I managed to wake up, and after a simple change not even properly comb my hair, I went to Joyce-Wang's wedding ceremony held at Sacred Heart Cathedral, a catholic church near Jalan Lanang, Sibu.

This was my first time stepped into a Catholic church and also attending Catholic's wedding ceremony. As a whole, I would say there were slight differences between a Catholic and Methodist wedding ceremony where Catholic ceremony were more serious and has more procedure to follow.

The ceremony ended after about 1 hour and 10 minutes where the new couple walked out the church while receiving blessing from those attending the ceremony.

It was a good experience for me, but because of my body condition at that moment, I was unable to follow some of the procedures like standing up for singing and praying etc. I hope I will be forgiven for this.

At evening time, I was invited to the wedding dinner held at Regalia Ballroom, Kingwood Hotel. Almost unable to attend it because of my body condition. Diarrhea and fever made me weak. Luckily another 2 Paracetamol gave me a little strength to wake up and thanks to Sparkish for fetching me to the dinner place.

Sparkish and me were sitting at the same table with some 2nd and 4th floors important gentlemen. I was a bit nervous at the beginning. However, their friendliness slowly made me feel comfortable. There was one even suggested we should visit to 2nd floor more often so that we could knew each other more. Well, although it sounds not really possible to simply visit 2nd floor without official purposes, but that was a very positive suggestion which I appreciate.

The dinner was great! Beside nice foods, there were also few semi-professional singing and dancing to entertain those attending the dinner.


I most impressed with this small kid. In his young age, he could dance equally good as the adult dancers and won a lot of applause from the crowd!

The "open-Champagne" ceremony was a fun one with the bridegroom tried his very best to open one of the Champagne cork yet was unable to make it no matter how hard he tried. He could easily open another one, so I guess it was not the bridegroom's problem, it was the Champagne's fault, agree with me?

The dinner ended at about 9.50pm. I enjoyed the dinner very much despite my poor body condition which restricted me to eat and move around. Otherwise, I would enjoy the foods more and take more photos on the night.

Anyway, I felt honored to be invited to the dinner. Joyce was my former schoolmate where I was much senior than her. She was also my superior in company's social club and close cousin to my buddy. She is a very friendly and helpful girl. Wang or Colin was my ex-colleague but we only became colleague for less than 2 months where he left the company when I joined. I get to know more about him only after I knew Joyce. Yet, I believe he is a nice guy. If not, Joyce won't choose him as her life-time partner.

Deep from my heart, I wish Wang and Joyce have a blessed marriage and may their love is eternity!

A Short Reunion at Roomate's Wedding

Just back from Kuching. Went there with my buddy Chun to attend University's friends Lian Hin and Linda's wedding dinner. Lian Hin was my roommate for 2 years when we stayed in hostel whereas Linda was my coursemate as well. Both of them were holding hands since the day I knew them but I guess their love started much earlier than that. After many years of "love marathon", they finally chose to become official couple on 4th of July 2009!

I felt very honored to be invited to the wedding reception with other university buddies, Anita, PY, Kayel and Chun. This was a good opportunity for us to have a small reunion after we graduated. Actually about 3 years ago we almost got the chance to have the reunion when Anita was getting married. Yet, because of some unavoidable reason, Chun couldn't attend the dinner. But this time, all of us made it. Kayel flew all the way from Singapore at the very last minute just to make this reunion a success!

We had a great time at the wedding dinner which was held at Lee Garden Restaurant in Hock Lee Center.We chit chatted like old days, laughed like old days, made fun of each others like old days... Wow! The feeling was indescribably wonderful! It was just like we back to the past with time machine where we used to study together, attend lecturing and even sit together in the lecture hall, doing assignment as a group, modify coding from the same source (ssshhhhhh...), breakfast, lunch and dinner together and the list go on! We almost did everything together (except slept on the same bed of course) but surprisingly non of us end up as couple! Although I guess some sparks did occur between some of us, but at the end it couldn't develop to be the fire. Well... maybe this is our destiny, this is our fate, our fate to be forever buddies!

I appreciate this friendship very much and I know so as them. That's why Kayel made last minute decision to fly all the way from Singapore just for one night stay to join us. Anita and PY never hesitated to spend their time bringing us around Kuching and tried to give the best hospitality they could. PY also made her efforts to brought us to taste Kuching foods we missed a lot and also to track back our memory lane. Hopefully I will try to reveal about these in my coming posts.

Back to Lian Hin and Linda's wedding. I felt so happy for them as their coursemate cum friend. Lian Hin is a very shy and low profile guy. We never had any arguement throughout 2 years of stay in Sri Muara hostel No. 98 house. I learnt a lot from him especially about computer and hardware stuffs. We also used to play Counter Strike as a team to fight with our "enemies" next door. I really missed those time very much!

Whereas Linda is a very softspoken lady. Although I didn't know her as much as Lian Hin, but her love towards Lian Hin never change since the day I knew her. Usually no matter where Lian Hin went, you would likely see Linda was accompany at his side and finally both of them chose to be a couple! I really felt proud and happy for them!

I would like to take this opportunity to wish them have a blessed marriage and wish that their love will last forever! Happiness forever my roommate!

Chocolate Cake...

Guess what I am doing now? 5 seconds from now!

5... 4... 3... 2... 1... time's up!! Looks like nobody get the answer correct. Ok, the answer is... now I am actually enjoying a piece of chocolate cake brought by my colleague Chamb! Don't be jealous, ok?

The cake was the courtesy of Shangari-La Hotel when Chamb and his wife were having a dinner at the hotel with his wife's colleagues for early wedding celebration. For those who may know already, Chamb is going to end his zaman bujang (single life) on this coming May, just about 2 more weeks to go.

It is a full chocolate cake with 2 giant strawberries and some wild berries on top of the cake. Very nice looking cake and it has strong chocolate smell.

The taste? Yummy!! Just delicious and full of chocolate taste! Can you see how thick are the chocolate layers on top and in between of the cake? That will explain how nice the cake taste especially for chocolate lovers!

Now I am having 2nd piece! HAHAHA! Thanks Chamb for sharing the nice cake with us! Wish you happy forever and your love will be as sweet as this cake!